7 Hard Lessons in 7 Months of Therapy

7 HARD LESSONS IN 7 MONTHS OF THERAPY

The concept of therapy had found its way into my headspace many times prior to embarking on this journey. But for years I pushed it down, telling myself I had to be strong enough. I shouldn’t need help processing my own emotions, right? That was until October 2019, when I slowly watched the last handle I had on my mental health completely crumble. I had launched a failed side-project, was barely making enough money, working harder than I ever had, had closed myself off to all outside relationships, all while continuing to deny my body and mind the help it so desperately needed. I decided to try out BetterHelp, an online therapy platform that matches you with a counselor based on your personal specifications. (Not sponsored)

I never would have guessed what would happen in the next 7 months. I so wish I had had someone to talk to, to help me understand therapy a little bit better going in. So I thought, maybe I could be that person for someone out there? Today I am going to be vulnerable… and I am scared shitless. I am going to open up my therapy notes and share the hardest 7 lessons I have learned in the last 7 months.

*Please note: Therapy isn’t for everyone, and that is ok! I simply want to share some of the most profound messages I have learned thus far.

LESSON 01: THEY’RE NOT MAGICIANS

Let me start by saying, therapists (while amazing) are not magicians. Call my naive, but going into therapy I was so excited to have someone who could articulate everything that was “wrong with me”, tell me how to fix it, and then I would be happy again! Nope, it’s not magic. It’s Hard. Fucking. Work. Therapists don’t fix your “problems”, you do. They simply help you understand the thoughts happening in your mind, and provide tools to manage them. Looking back, I don’t know that my therapist has ever actually TOLD ME to do anything. She guides me down the path she thinks is best, and I choose at my own will.

LESSON 02: It might noT be what you think…

Oh, if only I knew. Going into my first session, I knew I was suffering from anxiety. About 30 minutes in I started hearing her throw around a bunch of terms I was not prepared for. Anxiety. Panic Attacks. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Germaphobia. Emetophobia. She recommended a book at the end of the session, Brain Lock — how to free yourself from obsessive compulsive thoughts. Honestly? I was offended. I felt like this woman had no idea who I was, and was not listening to what I was saying, how was I going to let her know I quit? OCD? I just have anxiety….right?

After talking with a handful of individuals whom have also been through a therapy experience, this is very normal. You expect a mental health awakening to be beautiful, clear, enlightening. In reality, it’s messy, hard, complicated. I wasn’t prepared for someone to tell me I was more “broken” than I already had thought. But, it was all a part of the process. What is happening to your mind and body might not be what you think, go in with an open mind and try to not get too scared if your therapist starts throwing around terms you’ve never heard of.

Please note, while the book Brain Lock taught me a lot about the concept behind OCD, I don’t recommend it if you are not religious, as it all ties back to religion.

lesson 03: HYPERSENSITIVITY

Through said mental health awakening, you might find yourself becoming hypersensitive. Not in the sense of crying at everything (although..feel that sis), but rather always being alert with your physical and mental reactions to various scenarios. I will find myself sometimes even causing anxiety when there wasn’t any present, just because I was thinking I was somewhere it may start. The same can go with any mental illness: depression, anxiety, germaphobia, physical responses to trauma, etc. When you start to learn more about yourself, and go deep on: how you got to where you are with your mental health, and what things will or might trigger you, it’s easy to obsessed over it all. Cue: hypersensitivity.

Lesson 04: I’m not very good at processing emotions and conflict

I was going to keep this blog post pretty general, but if I’m being honest — while I’ve learned a lot of lessons on the therapy realm the last 7 months, the hardest lessons have come from within. Emotions and I are not very good friends. We put up with one another when we need to, but tend to think differently about situations. We all have friends like that, right? If you know me personally at all, that fact that I am not good with emotions might surprise you, I’m about as emotional and empathetic as they come. The problem is found in how I process said emotions within myself & those that I am around.

For a long time (and let’s be honest I’m not perfect with it now) I put everyone’s emotions and mental wellbeing above my own. I will fix their problems before I even ever admit/address any of my own. Next, conflict comes in and joins the party. I despise it. Conflict is the mean girl in school that sent a shiver down your spine when you walked passed her in the hallway. I don’t want any conflicts. I would stop everything in the moment to fix said problem. I would talk through it and find a solution to immediately diffuse it. Even if that meant not standing up for what I wanted or thought. Never, and I mean never, did I let them continue on unresolved. This is very unhealthy, in many respects. Regardless though, a great, hard, lesson I have now worked through that I would not have without therapy.

Lesson 05: Journaling is an emotional experience

But, so worth it. If you frequent journaling, this might come as no surprise. I had a diary as a child, but otherwise I never journaled. It first came as a recommendation when I had a huge stride forward with my anxiety. “You have to journal this so you don’t forget it!!” she said. So I did. I started journaling the highest of highs and the lowest of low. What I found was so much more emotional than I ever expected. But, having those highs and lows documented brought me so much peace. If I am struggling with something I can look back on all the times I conquered scary things and be inspired. I can also look back on the lows as the times I learned the most about myself. No experience is a waste. They are each pieces to your puzzle, you just have to figure out how they hell they all fit together!

Lesson 06: you’re not being selfish, you’re just putting yourself first

“Start replacing I’m sorry with Thank you!” my therapist tells me 5 times a session.

A hard truth that I can connect to my people-pleasing personality: I somehow came to the conclusion that any decision that was based off of something that I wanted, was selfish. How did I let myself get so far gone to think that things I wanted were selfish? I truly don’t know. I don’t have much else to say about this lesson. It has been a really hard one on me to learn to put myself first. Everyday is a new step forward. :)

Lesson 07: You might become a completely different person

If you would have told me 7 months ago I would: no longer be a full-time entrepreneur, single, relying heavily on meditation practices, be spending more time doing hobbies than working, putting myself first, and conquering some of my worst fears — I wouldn’t believe you. I never could have guessed that I would change this much in 7 months. Now, the question that stands is: Did I start therapy at just the right time for my life to be flipped upside down? Or did the roller coaster of learning and finding myself through therapy, make me realize that who I was prior to this experience wasn’t who I truly wanted to be?

The world may never know.